Coaching
Self-Care: Why Is It So Difficult to Put Yourself First? 💕
Discover why self-care can be difficult, what holds us back, and how small, intentional choices can help you nurture your well-being and happiness.
You know you need to take care of yourself. But knowing it and actually doing it are two very different things.
How many times have you promised yourself that you would slow down, get more rest, make time for something you enjoy, or finally do something just for you?
And how many times have those promises been pushed aside because someone needed you, another responsibility came along, or you simply felt too tired to make the effort?
As women, we often become so accustomed to looking after everyone and everything around us that caring for ourselves starts to feel like an extra task rather than an essential part of living well.
We know self-care matters, yet we struggle to make it happen.
So, why is it so difficult? And how can we start making different choices that support our well-being and happiness?
Why Do We Struggle With Self-Care?
There are several reasons why we find it difficult to prioritise our own needs. Recognising what holds you back is an important first step towards changing it.
1. You Feel You Don't Deserve It
Sometimes, the biggest obstacle to self-care is not a lack of time but the way we see ourselves.
If you constantly put other people's needs ahead of your own, you may start believing that your time, rest, and happiness are less important. You might feel guilty for taking a break or believe that you need to finish everything before you can do something for yourself.
But your worth is not measured by how much you do for others.
You deserve care, consideration, and kindness, too. You don't have to earn the right to rest or wait until everyone else is happy before attending to your own well-being.
2. You Don't Make the Effort
Let's be honest: building new habits takes effort.
It is often easier to continue with familiar routines than to make time for something new. You may want to exercise, journal, spend more time outdoors, or plan activities you enjoy, but without a conscious decision, these intentions can easily remain intentions.
Start by making self-care part of your schedule. Choose something realistic and give it a specific time.
You don't need an elaborate routine. Even 15 minutes dedicated to your well-being can be a meaningful beginning.
3. You Don't Really Know What Self-Care Means
Self-care is often confused with treating yourself.
Buying something new, enjoying a special meal, or having an occasional pampering day can be enjoyable. However, self-care goes much deeper than occasional treats.
It is about the everyday choices that support your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
It can mean getting enough rest, nourishing your body, setting boundaries, managing your time, asking for help, or making space for activities that bring you joy.
Self-care is not always glamorous or exciting. Sometimes, it is doing what you need rather than what you feel like doing.
4. You Are Simply Tired
When you are constantly busy, overwhelmed, or emotionally drained, finding the energy to look after yourself can feel almost impossible.
This can become a cycle: you are too tired to practise self-care, but because you aren't looking after your needs, you continue feeling exhausted.
Instead of trying to change everything at once, start with the basics. Give yourself permission to rest, simplify where possible, and ask for support when you need it.
Remember, you don't have to wait until you have reached your breaking point before taking care of yourself.
Your Happiness Matters, Too
Self-care is not only about preventing exhaustion. It is also about creating a life in which you experience more joy, fulfilment, and meaning.
We cannot control everything that happens to us. Life brings disappointments, unexpected changes, loss, and difficult seasons. We cannot simply decide that these experiences won't hurt or affect us.
However, we can become more intentional about how we respond to life's circumstances and where we direct our attention.
Think about a difficult situation you have experienced. Perhaps a plan didn't work out, an opportunity disappeared, or something happened that was beyond your control.
It is natural to feel disappointed. But once you have allowed yourself to acknowledge those feelings, you can begin asking a different question:
What can I do with the situation I find myself in?
Perhaps there is a lesson to learn, a new opportunity to explore, or a different direction to consider.
This doesn't mean pretending that everything is wonderful or forcing yourself to be positive when you are hurting. It means recognising that, even when you cannot change what has happened, you may still have choices about your next step.
Happiness is not about having a perfect life. It is about recognising the good that exists alongside life's challenges and making room for the things that bring meaning and joy.
Practical Ways to Make Self-Care Part of Your Life
You don't need to overhaul your entire routine. Start by making small, intentional changes.
1. Schedule time for yourself. Put 15 minutes of personal time into your calendar and treat it as an important commitment.
2. Change the way you speak to yourself. Replace self-criticism with encouragement. Speak to yourself as kindly as you would to someone you love.
3. Learn to say no. You cannot be everything to everyone. Protect your time and energy by recognising when you need to decline a request.
4. Make time for something you enjoy. Read, listen to music, spend time in nature, explore a hobby, or connect with someone who makes you smile.
5. Notice the good in your day. Write down one thing you are grateful for, no matter how small.
6. Take one step towards something meaningful. Revisit a dream, set a personal goal, or do something that makes you feel inspired and fulfilled.
Small actions may not change your circumstances immediately, but they can help you build habits that support a healthier relationship with yourself.
Coaching Reflection: What Is Holding You Back?
Take a few quiet moments to reflect honestly on your current approach to self-care.
• Do I believe my needs are just as important as the needs of others?
• What usually prevents me from making time for myself?
• Do I feel guilty when I rest or do something simply because I enjoy it?
• What does self-care look like in my life at the moment?
• What brings me genuine happiness, and how often do I make room for it?
• Is there something in my life I need to accept, change, or approach differently?
There are no right or wrong answers. The purpose is to become more aware of your habits, beliefs, and choices so that you can decide what needs to change.
Fast-Action Steps: Make Yourself a Priority Today
Don't wait for the perfect time to start caring for yourself. Choose one small action and begin today.
Step 1: Identify what you need. Are you tired, overwhelmed, disconnected, or simply missing something that brings you joy?
Step 2: Choose one action. Decide what would support you most right now. It could be taking a proper break, going for a walk, saying no to an unnecessary commitment, or spending time on something you love.
Step 3: Make it happen. Set aside 15 minutes today and follow through. Don't wait until everything else is done.
Step 4: Notice how you feel. At the end of the day, reflect on what changed when you made a little room for yourself.
Your challenge this week: Do one small thing every day that supports your well-being or brings you joy. It doesn't have to be complicated. Be intentional, be consistent, and allow yourself to enjoy the experience.
A Touch of Faith: Love Yourself, Too
In Mark 12:31, Jesus reminds us: “Love your neighbour as yourself.”
There is something important in those last two words: as yourself.
Caring for others is a beautiful expression of love, but we should not forget to extend that same care, patience, and kindness to ourselves.
You are also someone who deserves compassion, encouragement, and time to grow.
Take care of the woman God created you to be. Nurture your gifts, appreciate your blessings, and don't lose sight of the life you are capable of creating.
You Matter, Too
Self-care is not selfish, and it is not something you should only practise when you have time left over.
It is about recognising your worth, understanding your needs, and making intentional choices that support the life you want to live.
You won't always get it right. Some days will be busy, some plans will fall away, and sometimes you will need to adjust and try again. That is part of life.
What matters is that you keep making room for yourself.
Remember, you cannot always control what life brings your way, but you can take steps towards creating more balance, joy, and meaning in your everyday life.
Give yourself the care you so freely give to others. Your well-being matters. Your happiness matters. And you matter, too.
Own your dreams,
Alida
Founder | Equip Motivated Women
Join my email list for weekly motivation, personal growth insights, and practical coaching tips and tools to build confidence.
How many times have you promised yourself that you would slow down, get more rest, make time for something you enjoy, or finally do something just for you?
And how many times have those promises been pushed aside because someone needed you, another responsibility came along, or you simply felt too tired to make the effort?
As women, we often become so accustomed to looking after everyone and everything around us that caring for ourselves starts to feel like an extra task rather than an essential part of living well.
We know self-care matters, yet we struggle to make it happen.
So, why is it so difficult? And how can we start making different choices that support our well-being and happiness?
Why Do We Struggle With Self-Care?
There are several reasons why we find it difficult to prioritise our own needs. Recognising what holds you back is an important first step towards changing it.
1. You Feel You Don't Deserve It
Sometimes, the biggest obstacle to self-care is not a lack of time but the way we see ourselves.
If you constantly put other people's needs ahead of your own, you may start believing that your time, rest, and happiness are less important. You might feel guilty for taking a break or believe that you need to finish everything before you can do something for yourself.
But your worth is not measured by how much you do for others.
You deserve care, consideration, and kindness, too. You don't have to earn the right to rest or wait until everyone else is happy before attending to your own well-being.
2. You Don't Make the Effort
Let's be honest: building new habits takes effort.
It is often easier to continue with familiar routines than to make time for something new. You may want to exercise, journal, spend more time outdoors, or plan activities you enjoy, but without a conscious decision, these intentions can easily remain intentions.
Start by making self-care part of your schedule. Choose something realistic and give it a specific time.
You don't need an elaborate routine. Even 15 minutes dedicated to your well-being can be a meaningful beginning.
3. You Don't Really Know What Self-Care Means
Self-care is often confused with treating yourself.
Buying something new, enjoying a special meal, or having an occasional pampering day can be enjoyable. However, self-care goes much deeper than occasional treats.
It is about the everyday choices that support your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
It can mean getting enough rest, nourishing your body, setting boundaries, managing your time, asking for help, or making space for activities that bring you joy.
Self-care is not always glamorous or exciting. Sometimes, it is doing what you need rather than what you feel like doing.
4. You Are Simply Tired
When you are constantly busy, overwhelmed, or emotionally drained, finding the energy to look after yourself can feel almost impossible.
This can become a cycle: you are too tired to practise self-care, but because you aren't looking after your needs, you continue feeling exhausted.
Instead of trying to change everything at once, start with the basics. Give yourself permission to rest, simplify where possible, and ask for support when you need it.
Remember, you don't have to wait until you have reached your breaking point before taking care of yourself.
Your Happiness Matters, Too
Self-care is not only about preventing exhaustion. It is also about creating a life in which you experience more joy, fulfilment, and meaning.
We cannot control everything that happens to us. Life brings disappointments, unexpected changes, loss, and difficult seasons. We cannot simply decide that these experiences won't hurt or affect us.
However, we can become more intentional about how we respond to life's circumstances and where we direct our attention.
Think about a difficult situation you have experienced. Perhaps a plan didn't work out, an opportunity disappeared, or something happened that was beyond your control.
It is natural to feel disappointed. But once you have allowed yourself to acknowledge those feelings, you can begin asking a different question:
What can I do with the situation I find myself in?
Perhaps there is a lesson to learn, a new opportunity to explore, or a different direction to consider.
This doesn't mean pretending that everything is wonderful or forcing yourself to be positive when you are hurting. It means recognising that, even when you cannot change what has happened, you may still have choices about your next step.
Happiness is not about having a perfect life. It is about recognising the good that exists alongside life's challenges and making room for the things that bring meaning and joy.
Practical Ways to Make Self-Care Part of Your Life
You don't need to overhaul your entire routine. Start by making small, intentional changes.
1. Schedule time for yourself. Put 15 minutes of personal time into your calendar and treat it as an important commitment.
2. Change the way you speak to yourself. Replace self-criticism with encouragement. Speak to yourself as kindly as you would to someone you love.
3. Learn to say no. You cannot be everything to everyone. Protect your time and energy by recognising when you need to decline a request.
4. Make time for something you enjoy. Read, listen to music, spend time in nature, explore a hobby, or connect with someone who makes you smile.
5. Notice the good in your day. Write down one thing you are grateful for, no matter how small.
6. Take one step towards something meaningful. Revisit a dream, set a personal goal, or do something that makes you feel inspired and fulfilled.
Small actions may not change your circumstances immediately, but they can help you build habits that support a healthier relationship with yourself.
Coaching Reflection: What Is Holding You Back?
Take a few quiet moments to reflect honestly on your current approach to self-care.
• Do I believe my needs are just as important as the needs of others?
• What usually prevents me from making time for myself?
• Do I feel guilty when I rest or do something simply because I enjoy it?
• What does self-care look like in my life at the moment?
• What brings me genuine happiness, and how often do I make room for it?
• Is there something in my life I need to accept, change, or approach differently?
There are no right or wrong answers. The purpose is to become more aware of your habits, beliefs, and choices so that you can decide what needs to change.
Fast-Action Steps: Make Yourself a Priority Today
Don't wait for the perfect time to start caring for yourself. Choose one small action and begin today.
Step 1: Identify what you need. Are you tired, overwhelmed, disconnected, or simply missing something that brings you joy?
Step 2: Choose one action. Decide what would support you most right now. It could be taking a proper break, going for a walk, saying no to an unnecessary commitment, or spending time on something you love.
Step 3: Make it happen. Set aside 15 minutes today and follow through. Don't wait until everything else is done.
Step 4: Notice how you feel. At the end of the day, reflect on what changed when you made a little room for yourself.
Your challenge this week: Do one small thing every day that supports your well-being or brings you joy. It doesn't have to be complicated. Be intentional, be consistent, and allow yourself to enjoy the experience.
A Touch of Faith: Love Yourself, Too
In Mark 12:31, Jesus reminds us: “Love your neighbour as yourself.”
There is something important in those last two words: as yourself.
Caring for others is a beautiful expression of love, but we should not forget to extend that same care, patience, and kindness to ourselves.
You are also someone who deserves compassion, encouragement, and time to grow.
Take care of the woman God created you to be. Nurture your gifts, appreciate your blessings, and don't lose sight of the life you are capable of creating.
You Matter, Too
Self-care is not selfish, and it is not something you should only practise when you have time left over.
It is about recognising your worth, understanding your needs, and making intentional choices that support the life you want to live.
You won't always get it right. Some days will be busy, some plans will fall away, and sometimes you will need to adjust and try again. That is part of life.
What matters is that you keep making room for yourself.
Remember, you cannot always control what life brings your way, but you can take steps towards creating more balance, joy, and meaning in your everyday life.
Give yourself the care you so freely give to others. Your well-being matters. Your happiness matters. And you matter, too.
Own your dreams,
Alida
Founder | Equip Motivated Women
Join my email list for weekly motivation, personal growth insights, and practical coaching tips and tools to build confidence.
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